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British comedian Jo Caulfield says you can tell a lot about people from the newspapers they read. For example:

  • If they read the Daily Star, they can’t read.
  • If they read the Sun, they can’t read but want to look down on Daily Star readers.
  • If they read the Daily Mail, they can read but don’t feel the need to think.
  • If you buy the Financial Times, you work in The City.
  • If you steal the Financial Times, you used to work in the city.
  • If you buy the Guardian, you don’t enjoy reading it but you want to know what to pretend to be outraged by for when you meet your friends at the gastro pub in Islington.
  • If you read the New Statesman, you don’t get many dates on a Saturday night.
  • If you’re holding a copy of the Daily Mirror, you’re eating fish and chips.
  • And, if you buy the Daily Express, she’s dead. Seriously, she’s dead. There’s no conspiracy. The car crashed. That’s it. End of story. Shut up.

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3 replies »

  1. Actually, I think the British series Yes, Minister did a somewhat better version of this:

    Hacker: Don't tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers:

    The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country;
    The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;
    The Times is read by the people who actually do run the country;
    The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
    The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
    The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country;
    And The Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.

    Sir Humphrey: Prime Minister, what about the people who read The Sun?

    Bernard: Sun readers don't care who runs the country, as long as she's got big tits.

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  2. Sean, you are correct, like most sequels, the modern version of the joke doesn't live up to the original. After 30 years, much of the delightful series 'Yes Minister' remains meaningful.

    I guess it is not surprising that an acknowledged expert in BC politics would have a quote handy from the old Nigel Hawthorn and Paul Eddington classic.

    Fans will enjoy browsing at this site of writer Jonathan Lynn:

    http://www.jonathanlynn.com/tv/yes_minister_series/yes_minister_qa.htm

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  3. Of course, one could write a Lotuslandian-O-Centric version of the joke.

    And I would think that, perhaps, Mr. Holman himself (and/or a pseudonymous version of same) just might be well-positioned to do so….

    .

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