Olympics

Olympics-enhancing drug use expected to rise

A leaked report from the Vancouver 2010 Olympics Integrated Security Unit indicates that authorities are worried about increased Olympics-enhancing drug use by spectators and television viewers. “We have reason to suspect that millions of sports fans will be artificially increasing their ability to sit through the 2010 Games with mind-altering substances, particularly marijuana.

The ISU report indicates that interest-boosting doping will be particularly rampant among viewers of Biathalon, Skeleton, Luge and Curling. However, not as earlier reported, two-man luge, a sport that is developing a hard core following.

A VANOC source also admits that some Games viewers are expected to consume beverages produced by companies that are not official sponsors. “We fear that beer drinkers may enjoy Labatt, Sleeman or even Moosehead, rather than officially approved Molson Coors products.”

“The fundamental issue is, we want to protect our sponsors’ rights, because it’s only through the financial generosity of our sponsors and donors that IOC members can live in the styles to which they are accustomed” said the executive who wished to remain anonymous.

Inspired by OSN, the Onion Sports Network

Categories: Olympics, Smile

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